These Eyes Betray
by liandrin
Summary: ItaxSakuxDei SasuxSaku Sakura is left behind by Naruto and Sasuke on their quests for power, and turns to the one person she thinks can help her catch up to them. Rated for violence, language, etc. Slight Darkfic. Read and Review, please. Disclaimer.
1. Prologue: Tears of a Blossom

A/N: Okay, this was an idea I had while listening to some music, so this is sort of a test run, to see how you like it. Review please, as it really makes me happy and encourages me to write more!

Prologue: Tears of aBlossom - Left behind

She'd offered him everything in her, had been willing to give up everything for him, all he had to do was stay . . .

"Thank you." Was all she got in return.

She'd never been enough for him. Her all was not worth it.

It was never worth it.

She did not doubt those two words of his, though, never regretted breaking her heart to make him feel those fleeting moments of gratitude. But that's all they were, fleeting. There for a second and gone in a flash.

Expendable.

Worthless.

And Sasuke had left her. For power. To grow strong enough to avenge his clan and kill his brother.

Naruto had tried to console her in his own way, despite his own inner turmoil, dragging her out to Ichiraku and making empty promises. He'd tried to bring Sasuke back,but in the end it was in vain. It wouldn't have mattered if he had succeeded anyway, things would have gone the same, her throwing her emotions at the Uchiha and being snubbed with each and every effort.

And then, he had left. To grow stronger, traveling with the legendary sannin Jiraiya. And she was alone again.

She was cast aside in the search for power, and she was forced to watch their backs yet again as they moved irrevocably forward while she remained weak. No matter how hard she tried, she could not seem to catch up to them, and soon she was left behind.

Sakura stared blankly at the wall in front of her, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall once more. That was all she seemed to do lately, cry useless wet tears that only served to dehydrate her and push her further into her depression. It had been a week since Orochimaru's second attack on Konoha, a week since her parents had been senselessly _murdered _on the streets of Konoha. They had been civilians, they had not warranted attack, hadn't been able to defend themselves, but no, the sound nins had taken cruel pleasure in robbing them of their lives just for the heck of it. She had been helping to defend the ninja school with Iruka, because the younger ninjas hadn't had time to get to safety. As it was, there had been casualties. So many casualties. Sakura closed her eyes tightly, futilely trying to fight the images that splayed themselves endlessly on the backs of her eyelids, over and over again, images ofbodies, men, women, and children, all murdered without a second thought. Of the ninjas she had known and grown up with, cold and dead before her.

Of the rookie nine, none had died, but all had not come out unscathed. Chouji and Ino were still in the hospital, badly wounded. Neji, Tenten, and Lee had lived as well, because the brunt of the attack had fallen on a different part of Konoha than where they were situated.

She was endlesssly grateful for this, but . . . somehow, she couldn't bring herself to face them, those whom she called her friends. She couldn't stand to see the pity in their eyes.

_Poor Sakura, she's always been weak and the outcast, and now she's all alone in the world. _

Not even her own parents had stayed at her side.

Sakura shook her head free of the treacherous thoughts with a slight hiccup, fighting grief. That wasn't fair, it wasn't true, they couldn't help it if they had died . . .

Kakashi had been the one to tell her. She'd stared at him dully for a while, too tired and weary and sick of death to really absorb what he'd said. Her parents were dead? No, that wasn't right, they'd been alive when she'd left them, not saying goodbye as she followed the other ninjas to the battle. They were supposed to have been in one of the safehouses. They couldn't be dead, they wouldn't leave her, that would just be too much for her to take . . .

Kakashi had tried to explain, Sound had targeted the civilians deliberately, but he trailed off, his visible eye creasing in concern as he watched the uncomprehending jade eyes of his student. They were so cold for a moment, so devoid of feeling for a few seconds, something he'd never seen in her before, something that scared him a little . . .

Then it hit her. They were DEAD. How ironic. The two people whom she'd never had to worry about before, the only ones who had loved her unconditionally for who she was, who comforted her after Sasuke had left even if they hadn't really understood the situation, they were GONE. Indefinitely.

Tsunade had ordered Kakashi to keep Sakura away, but he had not anticipated her reaction. With a strangled cry she broke past him, catching him off guard with the sudden change in emotion, and he took off after her, knowing she had gotten too much of a head start for him to catch her. Tsunade would have his head.

She was crouched in their blood, but didn't notice it as she cried, faced with the irrefutable evidence of their death and suddenly finding herself alone in the world. Tsunade watched with sad eyes, knowing what her student was going through.

She went home to an empty home, and it seemed so much more vast to her than ever before, now that it was only her. No one was there, Ino was hurt and the only other one who would have tried to cheer her up was far away from Konoha, dealing with the perverted old hermit. She stared around her as she slumped wearily on her bed, eyes open but not really seeing, blurred by tears that were making hot silent tracks down her cheeks.

She was worthless, weak, useless, and the only ones who'd ever loved her were dead.

She shifted, and felt the sharp point of her kunai dig into her hip, where her pouch still rode. She stared at the metal as she pulled it out, transfixed.

If only there was a way to make the pain stop, if only for a little while . . .

No one was there when Haruno Sakura shattered, and so no one was there to save her.

That was the first night she began cutting herself.


	2. Chapter One: Broken And No One Cares

A/N: Okay, one day I was in a restaurant with a knapkin and a pen, and I started writing a random poem. So I decided to put poems on each chapter. They're crap, I know, but humor me.

By the way, the editor thingy on screws with my chapters, so if words are pushed together it's NOT MY FAULT! hehe . .

I was so surprised at the amount of reviews, alerts, and favs I got for the prologue alone. I've been put into two C2's! This story has already surpassed my others in popularity, so I think it's safe to say people want me to continue with this, right?

By the way, I got bored yesterday and started drawing, and it morphed into a piece of fanart for this story. It's a pick of Deidara, Sakura, and Itachi, and I don't know if it's good, but I think I might actually finish it, so when I do I'll post the link on my profile, okay?

Special thanks to the following people for the encouraging reviews (Or for just reviewing at all): silver-geisha, LynGreenTea, Midnight-Miko66, Icecream Skittles Addict, and ForeheadKAT.

Thank you ForeheadKAT and Pixie Jones for putting this into your C2s! I appreciate it!

* * *

**Chapter One: Broken - And No One Cares**

Wound me with

the words you say

silent tears run

down my face

salty trails that

will not cease

making their way

down my cheeks

self-proclaimed avenger

you turn your back

and leave everything

your brother lacks

darkness greets me

as you walk away

I will not rouse

till dawn next day

- Sakura

* * *

She thought the red was beautiful. 

As it slipped down her skin, standing out in sharp contrast on her pale arm, she watched it, transfixed.

She was an artist, her kunai was her brush, and she painted haunting lines on her fair skin.

Once upon a time, there had been pain, and she had been glad, because it was better than nothing. But now that was gone, too. A shame, really.

The house around her was still and empty, standing silent testament to her nightly doings. She didn't care. Watching the blood, it made her feel alive. She was paying for her life of worthlessness, but it didn't seem enough.

If everyone hates me, should I hate me too?

She shook her head free of thoughts with a sigh. It seemed not even this would help her tonight.

Sakura watched her arm for a few seconds more before standing up and glancing at her bedside clock. Three a.m. already. She had a mission tomorrow, so she should probably sleep.

She washed her arm free of blood, and ran a hand across the new cuts as she pocketed her kunai. They were deeper today. She hadn't really noticed as she was doing it. The blade seemed to move of its free will.

Holding her arms up to the flickering bathroom light, she studied them silently. No inch of skin up to her elbows was now untouched, and the scars crisscrossed their pale way across her skin to achieve a complex tracing, like a perverse piece of art. She found she liked the effect, though she knew if anyone else saw them they would freak. After over a year of this her arms were forever marred, even though she could have easily healed the cuts without a scar. That wasn't the point though, was it?

She placed a finger to the cuts, and traced them with healing chakra, leaving more white lines behind. When she was done she wrapped her arms in white bandages. No one looked at her oddly for it, for wrappings were a common addition to a shinobi's look. Plenty of others had it.

She would have preferred to let her arm heal on its own, but if she did the other ninjas would have been able to smell blood on her. A ninja's senses had to be perfectly trained, and she was no idiot to be discovered in such a way.

She lay back down on the bed and closed her eyes, trying to will her body to sleep. It didn't work. She hadn't been able to sleep for a while now. She had acquired dark circles around her eyes, and she feared she was on her way to looking like the insomniac Kazekage, Gaara. That would be odd, but amusing.

She didn't really know why Tsunade-shishou kept assigning her to these missions; it was obvious she wasn't getting any stronger. Sakura considered herself a liability, and she was treated as such. She figured it was because of the shortage of good medic-nins. Though Sakura was weak, she had blazed her way through the medical field, and now stood head to head with the Hokage in skill. But knowledge would not help her on a high class mission.

Once again she had been given a mission that far exceeded her. She was to travel with three jounins on a scouting mission outside of Konoha. It wasn't supposed to be exceptionally dangerous, but on any A-class missions things could easily blow up in your face. And she was a chuunin. She only hoped it would go smoothly.

Her eyes blinked open as she mused, and when she realized where they had strayed, she cursed. She was looking at her old team photograph. Again. Naruto and Sasuke looked back at her, while Kakashi lazily held his book. Beside them was a naive little slip of a girl, with pink hair and emerald eyes that sparkled in their innocence. Sasuke had his usual arrogant air about him, but despite being so young he was handsome as a boy could be. She had fallen for him so easily.

And crashed.

Sakura glared at the picture that held so many good memories. They only hurt her now. Sasuke had left, and she hadn't seen Naruto in over a year. He was off training with Jiraiya, and he would most likely return stronger than ever.

And the girl beside them, her eyes held so much joy and hope for the future, it was so obvious her life would be filled with the happiness present at that moment . . . .

Those eyes . . .

Those eyes betrayed her.

These eyes betray.

She pressed her fists against her eyelids, trying to suppress fresh tears. She was such a crybaby.

It was at times like these, when she looked at that picture, or when she was out in Konoha, witnessing how the lives of others had blossomed so well, and how hers had died slowly, like a flower without sun . . .

Or knowing that no matter what, she would always be stuck watching Sasuke's and Naruto's backs, _watching _them leave her behind . . .

It was at times like these when she wished that she could rip her eyes out, destroy them so that she would never again have to witness such things.

If the darkness came for her, if it was all she had . . .

Maybe she would be better off.

* * *

Naruto stretched happily as he waited for his sensei to catch up to him. "Ne, ero-sennin, hurry it up, hurry it up!" he whined. Konoha was still a while away. 

Jiraiya stopped his muttering (He was plotting out his newest novel) long enough to give his young charge a glare, "Calm down, boy, we'll get there eventually."

Naruto made a noncommittal noise, letting his sensei know what he thought about that. He wanted to see Konoha again, he couldn't wait. He was so anxious to see everyone again, see how they'd changed, let them see how he'd changed. He had grown a lot taller over the year; it seemed he had hit his growth spurt. He knew he'd probably tower over Sakura when he saw her again.

Sakura.

Naruto ceased his antics and walked normally as he hit that train of thought. It was the mental equivalent of crashing into a wall.

The last time he'd seen her, he'd been worried. She'd been pale, and he didn't know if she was eating right. She'd assured him she was fine, to leave, she'd see him when he returned.

She'd still had that light in her eyes as she spoke, so he'd believed her, and left.

He'd always been gullible, especially when he was younger.

Though he was still young at heart, a year of training had done a lot to mature him.

He was now no longer so sure that Sakura had been telling him the truth.

Uzumaki Naruto was worried.

* * *

"Haruno." The Jounin next to her (Kaji? She couldn't remember) said as they made their way quickly through the trees. 

She tensed. "My name is _Sakura._" She hissed back. She had renounced her family name not long after her parent's death. She didn't think she was worthy of it anymore, and it brought back too many painful memories. The jounin beside her knew that, so he had no reason to call her by it.

There was a tense silence.

"_Sakura._" He amended, not sounding the least bit sorry. She shrugged his disdain off, having gotten used to it over the years. "If a fight breaks out, you are to stay out of the way and tend to the wounded when needed."

She glanced at him sharply. "Of course. But may I ask why you seem to expect us to be attacked? Earlier I was informed that the mission was over." It was true, they had already begun their long trek back, and Konoha was less than a day away.

He bit his lip for a moment, then seemed to make a silent decision. "One of our scouts just informed us that there have been reports of Akatsuki activity in the area. We are now on high alert."

Sakura gasped. "Akatsuki? But what reason would they have to attack us?" Inside she already knew the answer. Akatsuki didn't need a reason to kill, they just did. If it was Konoha nins, it was even better.

"Akatsuki is Konoha's top enemy at the moment." He said, trailing off.

"Because they want Naruto." She finished. "But he's gone."

"He should be back any day now," Kaji replied.

Well, hell. One more thing she had to look forward to.

"And they would take any chance they get to weaken us." Kaji continued. "Because of Sound's attacks, we have a shortage of manpower, and any loss will take its toll . . ." the words had an ominous ring to it.

They continued in an uneasy silence, three jounins and one chuunin feeling as if they were racing for their lives.

It was supposed to have been an easy recon, get in, get out, no contact, and no bloodshed. Sakura was just for emergencies.

If only life was so simple.

* * *

In the Hokage's office, Tsunade paced, worrying the ends of her blonde hair between her fingers restlessly. Her Anbu captain was in front of her, having just delivered the bad news. 

They had established radio contact with the four man scouting team she had sent out a few days back. They were almost home.

"So far, so good." Came the blurry voice of the team leader, Kaji. It was practically a whisper, betraying his own nervousness.

Tsunade sighed in relief. So far the Akatsuki seemed to be ignoring the team.

She kept the Anbu on high alert, unless she needed a rescue team. She wouldn't send one out unless the situation called for it, there was no need to draw attention to her team, and Akatsuki had shown that they could easily deal with Konoha's top shinobi before.

What was I thinking, sending Sakura out into that? She criticized her judgement for the umpteenth time that morning, cursing silently. They were short on medic-nins, true, but a chuunin would never be able to hold her own among jounins.

She had thought that this one time, it would be okay. The mission was only A ranked because of the valuable information involved.

She had never been so wrong.

She was jerked out of her thoughts by single buzzing voice from the radio, uttered in a clear mixture of surprise and horror. "Kuso!"

There was a slight whine, and a blip, and the connection failed.

"We lost it!" Someone said behind her.

"Damn damn damn!" Tsunade cried, "Send out an Anbu rescue team, now!"

* * *

So near, yet so far. Konoha was only a half hour away . . . but it might as well have been a million miles, for all that it mattered. 

There was a moment of utter silence, a quiet so complete and unnatural in its stillness that not even the forest life could be heard. It was like the calm before the storm, and the air felt charged with potential and energy, sending adrenaline pumping through the four team members, their bodies instinctively going hypersensitive and on high alert.

It felt like it lasted for hours, a moment of silent standoff, when in actuality it lasted for only a few seconds.

Then Sakura gasped, choking on the air as it and everything around her became filled with what could only be killer intent, and the most powerful chakra signatures she'd felt in her life.

That was the only warning before all hell broke loose.

There was an unnatural movement of the air beside her, and Sakura turned in time to see one of the jounins go down in a flash of crimson, crashing through the branches as he tried to fight off his attacker.

There was a poof, and he turned into a log, having used substitution jutsu to escape certain death.

Or not.

Sakura was too shocked to scream as his body was cleaved in two with the single swipe of a disturbingly large sword. He fell in two pieces.

She felt like she was going to hyperventilate, the opponents sheer presence was enough to send her reeling. How could so much chakra come from one person?

She gritted her teeth, trying to calm her erratic heart. She pulled out a kunai with a hand that was trembling so much she thought she was in danger of dropping it.

"Sakura!" There was a hiss from behind her and she whirled, eyes wide with fear but ready to attack. She was met with the eyes of her team leader. She could see the whites of his eyes, and knew he felt the fear inducing chakra as well, but he was handling it far better than her.

"You have to run," He hissed at her, "This is no place for a chuunin, and if you go now, we can buy you enough time to escape." The Hokage would have wanted the same thing, he knew. It was the smart decision.

Sakura shook her head, still trembling, "No! I'm a ninja, and a medic! I can't leave my team!"

His expression hardened. "Do you want to die? Leave. It's an order."

Sakura stared at him before nodding. He was right, she had no chance.

She turned and bounded through the trees as fast as she could. She tried to keep her mind off the fact that her teammates were facing certain death while she headed for safety . . .

There you go again. You're running away from the danger, and others are forced to protect you.

No, she was too weak, it was what a _smart _kunoichi would do -

Story of your life. You always have to do the _smart _thing. Bullshit, it's just another excuse to run away. Sasuke was right, you're worthless, and you always will be. You talk big about changing, but it comes down to it you're all bark and no bite. No wonder Team Seven split.

Sakura stopped bounding through the trees, breathing fast and clutching the kunai reflexively to her chest.

Inner Sakura continued her rant.

You're just a burden, one more person to watch out for. You're a defective ninja, and because of you people will continue to die.

No, it wasn't true . . .

Was it?

Sakura saw flashes in her head, memories of similar situations racing through her skull -

- _Sasuke, unconscious, senbon needles sticking through his neck, she refused to believe he was dead - _

- You're really annoying, you know that? -

- Worthless -

- Sasuke walking away, leaving -

- thank you -

- Naruto, raging in a ball of the Kyuubi's chakra as it engulfed him, eating at his skin, there was a bubbling as a fourth tail began to emerge, she was losing him -

- Her parents lying in their own blood -

- She couldn't do anything -

- What was the point of love if you weren't strong enough to protect it? -

- Sasuke, in Sound garb, gazing impassively as Sai spoke about wanting to understand the bonds between him and Team Seven -

- He wouldn't return, she'd trained as hard as she could and he'd simply ignored them all and left with that snake once more -

- Why was she so weak? -

No.

Not again. If she turned and ran like this, then she deserved to die.

They may have been stronger than her, but they were still her team.

And a ninja who abandons his teammates is worse than trash.

Sakura pivoted, and, still waging as war in her own head, began to race back to the battle.

Are you willing to die for what you believe in?

I may be weak, and this may mean my death, but if I'm going to die I want to do it honorably, even if no one will remember me -

Kaji was the only one still standing.

A blue skinned man that closely resembled a shark was attacking him, and behind him was the one person she hated most. She'd only seen him once, but it had been enough.

Uchiha Itachi.

Murderer of the Uchiha clan.

Cause of all of Sasuke's pain.

He didn't even acknowledge her as she flung herself at Kisame, merely watching as she was immediately blasted back into a tree. She coughed blood at the impact. Kaji parried his blow, but he was running out of chakra, slowing down.

Kisame swung his sword, and in that one move, all of Kaji's chakra was stolen away, leaving him powerless in the midst of his jutsu, and he could only watch in a sort of abstract horror as Sameheda cleanly separated his head from his shoulders.

With a wordless cry of defiance, Sakura managed to gather the strength to attack, and the forced her chakra into her hand and she swung her punch.

Kisame hadn't expected it, and it caught him in the jaw, crushing it with a resounding crack. He let out a slight cry of indignation.

Then, a blur of black and red, and she was thrown to the ground, completely drained of chakra and at the mercy of the two Akatsuki.

Having your chakra removed from you forcibly hurt like hell, and she felt tears well up and spill.

She'd never hated herself more than she did at that moment.

She was so useless.

Sakura let her limbs go slack, too tired to retaliate again.

* * *

Team Seven is gone 

Was it ever there?

All my dreams shattered

without a care

Everyone's leaving

and I don't know why

leaving me behind

with nary a goodbye

You left for the snake

and Naruto with the Toad

everyone says

I must carve my own road

But I find I cannot

as I collapse in the dirt

Watching your backs

something in my chest hurts

I try to estimate

my own worth

and come up with nothing

my existence is cursed

With nothing to live for

but too weak to die

I fade into myself

And once more

I cry

- Sakura

* * *

**A/N: Mwahahaha, a cliffhanger! Does she die? Who knows! But here's a hint: reviews make me happy, and when I'm happy I write more, and when I write more I POST more! Okie? Then push the button thingy and review! **


	3. Chapter Two: A Deal With the Devil

**A/N: Err . . . yeah. I've noticed a trend. I always seem to write my chapters at four in the morning . . . I apologize. I should be sleeping, but oh well. I have a haiku because I couldn't be bothered with a longer poem. I am lazy. **

**This chapter came out pretty fast. You will never believe how many times I wrote, rewrote, edited, and re-edited this . . . this THING! I just couldn't seem to write it in a way that I liked it! Geez!**

**The next chapter won't be coming out nearly so fast. School starts for me on August 10th, so I will be kind of busy. PLus there's the fact that I haven't even done my summer homework yet . . . Err, I've been busy, that's why. Yes. Busy. With very Important things . . . . IMPORTANT I SAY! **

**What else? Oh yes, I just finished the line art for my personal fanart piece for this fic. I'll post the link on my profile. I don't know when I'll finish coloring it . . . but oh well. I'll try. **

**Special thanks to: ForeheadKAT, tragic rainfall, luvzsasuke, read-n-review, kamiyafashions-ryo, Angel of Lament, jenfrog, Eamene, and xXxForsakenxXx.**

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**tragic rainfall: Sakura is almost 15. I've messed with the timeline a bit; I moved the kidnap of Gaara and removal of Shukaku back in time (It's happened already) and the death of Sasori and meeting w/ Sasuke. Sorry. I needed Sakura younger, but I needed her to have already met/seen Deidara and Itachi. Oh well.**

**read-n-review: Your poem made me laugh, and thanks, I will write more. XD**

**kamiyafashions-ryo: I know it's disturbing, Ryo, but I warned you it was a slight darkfic. mehehe.

* * *

**

**Chapter Two: Itachi - A Deal With The Devil**

**

* * *

**

Ruby Mangekyou

Death waits with a bloody sky

spiraling crimson

* * *

Kisame cursed loudly beside Itachi as he regarded the pink-haired kunoichi with cool eyes. 

He knew her from somewhere . . .

Ah.

"You're my brother's teammate." Itachi mused aloud.

The loud pink-haired one. How could he forget?

She might be more useful alive than dead. If he hurt her, his brother might gain the hate needed to make him stronger.

"Don't bother." She managed to hiss through her tears. She made a pitiful sight there, spilled on the ground, crying streaks down her face and utterly helpless. Her pastel hair clung to her wet cheeks as she hissed wordlessly at him.

A disgrace for a ninja.

He waited for her to elaborate.

"Sa . . suke, he left me behind. He went to Orochimaru for power. Power to kill _you._" She sobbed a bit harder, but seemed to be trying to stop her tears, ashamed. "He doesn't give a damn about me, dead or alive. No one does. Who gives a damn about a worthless kunoichi?"

Itachi masked his disappointment well, the slight marks between his brows creasing a bit more. _He went to the snake? He is still too weak . . . _

Orochimaru had been the weakest of the Akatsuki when he was in their organization. Sasuke would find nothing but disappointment and betrayal in that snake's clutches.

The kunoichi continued, oblivious to his silent musings, her voice breaking repeatedly. "The Hokage would never let Naruto come after me if you kidnapped me; he's too much of an asset to lose on a stupid rescue mission. Any plans you could have regarding me are useless. _You might as well kill me._"

He'd heard that tone before.

She sounded as if she sought death.

Sakura managed to wipe the tears from her eyes and glanced up for the first time. She knew she should never look into the Uchiha's eyes, but death was imminent and she was feeling reckless. She needed to see the eyes of the man who had single-handedly ruined everything.

Jade met crimson, and she tried to stifle her gasp.

She'd never seen his face before.

Sakura was shocked at how much (and how little) he looked like his younger brother. Like Sasuke, his raven bangs framed the pale skin of his face perfectly. Unlike Sasuke, his hair was long in the back and tied loosely. She couldn't tell how long it was, as most of him was covered in his black Akatsuki cloak, but she was surprised nonetheless. He was tall, and she suddenly knew that Sasuke had a lot more growing to do.

He had lines under his eyes, a mark of the hard life he had lead. She couldn't help but think they made him look that much more handsome, added a slightly haunting flair to his already perfect physique. He had long eyelashes, the kind she'd always wished for . . . and his eyes . . .

She'd always thought that Sasuke's sharingan were beautiful.

His were so much more.

They burned bright as blood as he gazed at her, the three commas like fierce splashes of darkness in the vivid red. She could not read any emotions in his eyes, no sign that he had just helped to end the lives of three men effortlessly.

Nothing.

An empty void, something she'd always wished to attain for herself, but had miserably failed.

And as she stared at the perfect man in front of her, she felt the weight of the years and her losses and her pain crush down on her. She was nothing compared to him.

Itachi watched impassively as the kunoichi seemed to cave into herself after meeting his eyes, her shoulders slumping in defeat and her head bowing under some invisible weight. Her face was obscured by her pastel pink hair, but he could almost taste the salt on the air.

She was crying again.

Something about her stirred the beginnings of curiosity in him, which he hadn't felt in a long time. She reminded him of someone from a long time ago . . .

His eyes fell to her arms, taking in the wrappings from her wrists to her elbows. She could have easily been just another vain kunoichi who thought the bandages made her look cool.

Something told him otherwise.

Kisame made a strangled noise of surprise and his eyes bulged when his partner kneeled down in front of the annoying little kunoichi. "What the hell are you doing? Kill her so we can leave." He rasped. Damned bitch had crushed his jaw, and it _hurt._

He tensed at the sideways look of dismissal that Itachi gave him. It may have seemed like another bored expression, but there was a hidden threat in the ruby depths. Kisame silenced his growls and sighed audibly. Itachi could be so damned weird.

Sakura couldn't help the slight gasp she let out when she realized he was _right there, _in front of her.

What the . . .?

She had been waiting for the death blow, and instead she flinched when she felt his light touch on her arm. Despite everything, his skin was warm on hers. She stared dazedly as his fingers made quick work of the bandage, baring her scars to the world. In the light of day the white tracery stood out so much more on her skin, there was hardly a part of her arm untouched.

Sakura cringed.

Why?

This continued proof of her weakness did not help her current mental state, and vaguely, she cursed the world for hating her so much that she didn't even deserve a quick end. Having two missing nins bear witness to her destructive pastimes was not what she had in mind when she'd faced them.

She gathered the courage to look up at him through the pink veil of her hair, anticipating the look of disgust that she knew would be there.

She was transfixed. His expression was a blank slate, empty and impossible to read.

She wondered when he had perfected that look, and if he'd ever had to shoulder the burden of emotions in the first place.

She thought not.

Relief flitted quietly through her heart, then was gone.

Her breath hitched when his eyes slid up to meet hers, and she was caught in a world of crimson, like a fly in the spider's web.

He seemed to be studying her silently, and she stared back, utterly confused and afraid and weary but finding herself unable to look away.

She waited for the transformation to his Mangekyou, a swirl of red and black, any sign from the puzzling deity before her that the end was near.

Instead, he held her gaze and spoke, and his voice matched the rest of him perfectly, deep and rich and utterly male. "The only future for the weak is death."

Thank you, Captain Obvious, Inner Sakura murmured heatedly. It was amazing she still had some spark in her.

He ignored the slight crease of her brows in frustration (She was getting angry at an Akatsuki? She must have gone insane, and suicidal tendencies had become her new hobby) and continued, eyes still focused intently on hers. She began to feel more uncomfortable than she already was, if that were even possible. Sakura wondered why he hadn't released his firm and slightly painful grip on her wrist yet.

"Yet for you, there is an alternative."

Yes, yes, stop talking and _kill _her for Christ sake, this drawing it out was too much and she thought she was going insane -

Wait. _What?_

She made an incoherent sound. Her sobbing had taken its toll on her throat, and it pained her to swallow, let alone speak, but she managed to croak her meaning.

"A-An alternative?"

"You wish to grow stronger, to shatter the pathetic image you have worn since your birth. To defy your fate."

She didn't have to nod. He could see right through her. She wondered if he could read her mind. It really wouldn't surprise her if he could . . .

"You could make me stronger?" Dammit, she sounded almost _hopeful_, when it was probably just a cruel trick. She could feel a tiny shaft of light shine down on the dark recesses of her heart, as if someone had slightly opened the blinds.

"You would have to be willing to leave everything behind, and go through hell and back again. To break all bonds in your heart and numb yourself, for emotions are worth nothing to a shinobi."

It sounded horrible, impossible. She would probably die.

And yet, she had already lost everything, and her heart was shredded and lay steeped in a pool of its own blood in her chest. It ached every day. She was the lowest of the low, practically suicidal.

She wanted to die, and no one had ever given her a reason to live before. Odd that he should be the first . . .

But if this man could make her stronger, it would be worth going on. And if she died, too weak to take it . . .

Well. It was a win-win situation, she figured.

But . . . he hurt Sasuke . . . The small portion of her heart that still loved him, and would probably always love him, said no.

But the newer her, the part of her that had shouldered everything these past few years, the jaded portion of her soul, merely laughed, a bitter sound.

Him again. I'm a fool. I need someone who is not afraid to push me, who doesn't care if I break, who will be brutal and cruel and ruthless. Konoha is too nice and soft, and everyone cares too much to ever hurt me. I need someone who is powerful and doesn't give a damn. Love has gotten me nowhere. Maybe his way is better . . . .

Naruto trained with Jiraiya, and Sasuke beat Naruto. Then Sasuke went to seek help from Orochimaru, to seek power to kill Itachi.

Which would mean Itachi is the strongest of them all. I'm not Sasuke, and Itachi is offering me power. Why bother beating around the bush if I can go straight to the source?

After all, Sasuke, if you've tried to teach me anything over and over again, it's that power is the key . . . to everything.

Sakura's abused heart cried for her, for the pain she had endured because of the ones she loved, and for the pain she was no doubt about to incur. But her mind was numbed in realization, and she came to a horrible decision.

She nodded slowly, staring.

Kisame made another strangled noise. He didn't know what was happening, but his partner was behaving oddly. He'd always been quirky, but _come on_ . . .

Itachi studied her (Did he ever blink?) "You will most likely die."

They both knew she didn't care.

Kisame interrupted. "ANBU are closing in. They'll be here in about ten minutes."

Itachi merely nodded. "Your conviction must be strong. You will sacrifice something to me, physically, something that means the most to you. Something that represents your weakness as a whole. This is your first lesson. Think quickly."

If she had been younger her thoughts would have turned dirty at his choice of phrase. But she had matured, and she knew that Itachi would never touch her. Her virginity meant next to nothing now, anyway.

Sakura's heartbeat sped up. She knew that whatever she chose would be major, and knew that this would be the beginning of everything. Her stomach churned at the idea of loss, but she'd felt it so much lately that she welcomed its companionship.

What meant the most to her? What represented all of her pain, was tied to all the lost love and useless emotions that she'd wasted? What would she never had wanted to lose?

What did she think she couldn't live without?

A thought came to mind, and she immediately turned it away, astounded at herself.

But wasn't it true? She'd put so much stock into appearance and looks all her life. She had always been a vain little kunoichi. She'd fallen in love with Sasuke at first because he was hot. She had always prided herself on being able to read a persons emotions by their facial expressions. Her eyes always betrayed her and strayed to the pictures at her bedside, revisiting old wounds over and over again.

Itachi unfolded himself and stood up gracefully as he watched her emotions chase themselves across her face, idly wondering what she would choose. Probably something predictable, like a hand or two.

Her face became determined, but her tears increased, making for an odd mix on her countenance. She looked up at him, and he immediately knew that she was going to be anything but predictable.

"These eyes." It was a half-sob, half-laugh. The situation was finally getting to her.

Itachi showed his slight surprise by blinking at her, before relaxing back into his unreadable mask. What an odd choice. Without her sight there was hardly any chance that she would be able to make it as a shinobi, but it wasn't his place to ensure her survival. This was her test, and she had chosen to make it harder on herself. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

Her beautiful jade eyes watched him as he drew his katana, the blade chiming as it was freed. Soon their haunting emerald depths would be gone. "Your test? To survive." He planned to put her through hell.

And, before the act, she stopped him with a quivering question,_ " . . . Why?" Why_ didn't he just kill her, like all the others? She knew he had seen her silent wish for the end, she was deep in the abyss of despair and there was no getting out.

He shrugged, a movement she could faintly see in the shadows of the forest, and his blade gleamed eagerly in the half-light. "It was . . . a whim."

A whim.

- I spared your life on a whim, and I will take it on a whim. -

They were more alike than they would ever know. Her tears would not stop.

A flash of red, and there was a split second of horror, then resignation as she was caught in the spiraling black and crimson of his Tsukiyomi, how ironic that his swirling mangekyou would be the last thing she would see as she faded, slowly slipping into a world of red -

- but not fast enough.

- A wave of agony as the cool blade cut her skin, in one clean slice claiming its prize, hot blood and thicker things ran down her face like forbidden tears, she was screaming, she'd never felt so much pain in her _life_ -

- then faintly, a numbing sensation as the katana sheathed itself in her chest next to her heart, her blood pounding in her ears, her shock like ice in her veins and the blade sliding through flesh with a slick noise -

- and Sakura fell into a world of pain and heartache, where a full moon hung high and the sky was made of blood, and the worst moments of her life danced through her mind's eye again and again and again, where he lurked in the shadows of her heart, the instigator of it all, the manipulator, her demon, her savior -

Kisame watched as the kunoichi's body slumped forward when Itachi slipped his blade from her chest with a wet sound. Kisame's eyes were slightly wider than usual when Itachi calmly swung his blade to the side, flinging off the blood, then returned it with a small sound to its sheath. "We are done here."

He turned without further comment.

And as they left through the treetops, Kisame allowed himself a slight chuckle.

"Damn, you're a cruel bastard."

Life with Itachi was never dull, at least.

* * *

Naruto skidded to a stop when he realized that Jiraiya was no longer following him.

Turning, he looked back to where his sensei had paused. "What's your problem?"

He looked preoccupied, but at the sound of Naruto's voice he was jerked back into reality. Jiraiya focused on his pupil with a stern look. "Use your senses boy, and you tell me."

Naruto cocked his head in slight confusion, but focused his hearing and drew in a deep breath all the same. At first, he heard nothing, but then that was just it, the forest was eerily silent. Like the overused cliche, _too quiet._

And there. He sniffed again just to be sure, confident that he probably resembled a dog to the oblivious onlooker, but his nose was nowhere near as good as Kiba's and Akamaru's, and he was focused now.

He had caught the scent of blood.

They were close to Konoha, blood was synonamous with trouble.

Oh, Damn.

Without a word, Naruto took off in a mad dash through the treetops, leaving his sensei to curse at the boy's recklessness and follow after.

Naruto couldn't help it. There had been something in the air all day, something like an ill omen, something bad was happening -

The forest was growing lighter as the sun slowly made it's way into the sky, bathing everything in a soft light, but in the trees it still seemed as dark as night, like the shadows of the place were reluctant to leave.

And there, in the clearing, he came upon the first body, and his fears were realized.

A Konoha jounin, one he'd seen many times during training. He lay in two pieces, a look of fear and surprise on his features. His entrails and insides clung wetly to the grass in the morning dew, the blood was so bright it seemed unreal.

Naruto managed to drag his gaze away from the grisly sight, his stomach was feeling queasy, this was so not good, there must be others -

- And there were.

Naruto heard the soft sound of footsteps behind him, and a quiet curse, and he knew that his sensei had just arrived.

"Who did this?" Naruto asked the empty morning air, his voice was strained.

Jiraiya was silent, but Naruto didn't notice, because he had just seen something that would haunt his nightmares for years -

A flash of pink so out of place in the greenery, and so much bright, vivid crimson -

"SAKURA!"

The trees had hidden her, she lay twisted among the roots like a limp rag doll.

This wasn't right, not right at all. She was supposed to be safe inside Konoha with the others, she would meet him at the gates with a smile or a fist, depending on her mood. he would see that she was happy and healthy and all his fears had been unfounded, Team Seven would go on, their newfound friendship would continue, she would be _okay, god dammit!_

He felt tears sting his eyes as he landed beside her, there was no way she was alive, there was so much blood, and he couldn't see her face for the crimson, her pink hair seemed forever stained -

- The cold fingers of dread latched themselves around his heart and squeezed.

His worst nightmare had come true. His dreams seemed to shatter before his ubseeing eyes, there was only blood and blossoms and so much pain -

"Naruto! NARUTO!"

Someone had him by the shoulders and was shaking him like a rag doll, and he realized he had been trembling, and he knew without a doubt that his eyes were kyuubi red. He felt the chakra swirling potently in his veins, burning for violence, revenge, _anything - _

But that would not help Sakura. She was _dead_.

Jiraiya's face swam into view, concerned and grim and slightly desperate. Behind him were others, ANBU had arrived -

"Naruto, she's still alive, we have to get her to Konoha!"

What?

Naruto didn't believe it, no one had that much blood in their bodies, and he loosened his death grip on her still form and lowered his ear to her lips, his own heartbeat loud in his ears as he waited for the impossible -

A slight tingling feeling as a weak tendril of air brushed his skin.

"Sakura," He sobbed weakly. She was still alive, but only barely.

Naruto felt his muscles go slack with relief.

She wasn't dead.

He hadn't fulfilled his promise to her yet.

And in the crimson forest, in the halflight of morning, he made another silent promise to his best friend, his teammate, and his first love.

He would not let her die, not her, nor Sasuke, he would protect them to the utmost of his ability, and one day, these people, the first family he'd ever had. . .

One day . . .

Team Seven would be whole - and happy - again.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Naruto. Am I evil, or what? Read and review!**


	4. Chapter Three: Blind No Regrets

**A/N: **Hmm, well, I shall say SORRY once more. This story is important to me, so I don't want to rush it, but I feel the need to when I get time to write, but I know I shouldn't, and with all my school stuff it has resulted in a really long lull in my updates.

The reason I was able to update once a week before was because it was summer, and all my friends were out of state, so I had nothing to do but sit in front of the computer and amuse myself by seeing if I could start a good Naruto fanfic on my own. I am really proud of what I managed to come up with, not to mention this is only my second solo fic (I usually write in a group so I'm not used to dealing with all the characters and plot on my own) and it was recieved enthusiastically, which made me really happy. This is also my FIRST fic that doesn't have OCs in it or where the pairings don't have OCs, or where the characters arent OOC. It's harder to write with an original pairing (in my opinion, and I've been writing fanfics for seven years now) because you have to stick with the plot and keep everyone in character and find a REALISTIC way to have characters like Sasuke and Sakura (or anyone else) to end up together.

Writers block is killer . . . shoot me now. I think this chapter only managed to come out because of all the reviews I've been getting that begged "Update soon! PLEASE?". It cheered me up.

**NOTE: Pairings may change in later chapters. I'm pretty sure this fic will turn into a trilogy. I think it's safe to say that the pairing for this first part is ItaSakuDei, but the second part may change, and the end will most definitely be different. Because, sadly, any romance between Sakura and the Akatsuki (or Itachi) won't be happy or stable, and this was never meant to be a happy fic. This is a story about how Sakura changes and develops when Team Seven breaks up and her life crashes down. If you want a happy SakuraxAkatsuki fic, go elsewhere. **

**Also, I believe that the fics where Sakura just falls out of love with Sasuke and runs off with missing nin are stupid and unrealistic. She may leave with the akatsuki, but she would have good reasons, and she would probably cling to her twelve year old love for a long time. Because her love for Sasuke is not fickle or shallow or brief, she has proven that by sticking by him through his bad deeds in the series (although it is foolish). So yes, she still loves him now, though in my fic that love is shadowed by her loss of innocence and onslaught of despair. But Team Seven will always be a soft place in her heart.**

**Okay, so I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I decided that my plot and my timeline just didn't work together. So I redid the timeline to fit the story more accurately.**

**Sakura's parents were killed shortly after the two and a half year time skip in the manga, where they met Sai, battled the Akatsuki, and ran into Sasuke yet again. (yes, I changed it back to the original timeskip)**

**Then Naruto left. She started cutting. A year later he returns, and she is atacked by Itachi, leaving us with the present time. **

**Meaning Sakura is almost 16.**

**On with the story!

* * *

**

**Chapter Three: Blind - No Regrets**

Turn the tables

draw the knife

you say it's what I need

Bury my pain in

to the hilt

and hold me as I bleed

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Three: Reflections Upon Waking - To Lose It All**

Tsunade was pacing uncontrollably in her office. She'd made a terrible mistake in sending Sakura on the mission. She never should have sent a chuunin on a jounin level mission. Never. Now her apprentice was probably one more name on the list of casualties Konoha had suffered in the past few years.

"Stop it. You'll wear a hole in the floor if you keep this up."

Tsunade came to an abrupt halt at the sound of the weary voice. She turned a tired face to the owner. "Nani?" She managed.

Hatake Kakashi stood before her in his full Jounin attire, watching her with his trademark half-lidded eye. He was unusually focused, and the absence of the Icha Icha Paradise book in his hands stood out terribly.

He had been sent for immediately, as soon as the Anbu had lost contact with Kaji and his team. As Sakura's sensei, Tsunade knew he should be the first one to know. They had been waiting for news for hours now, him leaning against the wall, agitated but quiet, and she, endlessly pacing.

She knew the infamous copy-nin felt terrible, too, but he hid it well as he gave her a stern look. "None of this was your fault, Hokage-sama. No one could have predicted that the Akatsuki would attack, and there were no previous reports of activity in the area. Stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't have controlled."

In her mind, Kakashi's words made sense, but in her heart . . . In her heart, she could not stop the aching, the same feeling that had engulfed her when Nawaki and Dan had died. The feeling that it was _her _fault, that if she had been stronger, they would have lived. The tearing inside of the heart when the innocents around you fall, leaving behind broken dreams. The knowledge that, in the end, a large portion of a person's life is determined by fate, and they can't do anything to change it, whether they deserve what happens or not. Innocents die daily, and the guilty live on. These were the lessons that had been cruelly forced on her so many years ago.

She was stronger now than she was then, sure, but the vulnerability of her heart had not lessened over the years. She still felt the need to take responsibility for every disaster that struck. In a sad way, despite all her efforts to the contrary, she had not changed at all.

Tsunade was silent as her thoughts chased themselves round and round in her head, until they resembled a tangle she thought she'd never be able to unweave.

Neither of the shinobi were aware of how much time passed after that. One second, there was nothing, just regret and silent apprehension, and the next, both shinobi tensed visibly as they sensed in unison the familiar chakra racing their way.

The door burst open before either could react, their senses slowed by the abrupt end to their wait.

"Tsunade-obaa-san!"

Naruto stumbled in, looking disheveled and panting visibly from the race through the forests of Konoha, followed quickly by the Anbu team that had been deployed. He was covered in blood that was not his own, splattered across his orange jacket, staining it indefinitely. In his arms lay a sight that neither had ever wanted to see.

_How they both wished it was anyone but her . . . _

Kakashi and Tsunade could barely recognize their mutual student. Haruno Sakura was a limp and nearly unrecognizable figure amidt the vibrant orange of Naruto's embrace, a sharp contrast against the smooth ivory of her skin, which was starker now that she stood at death's door. Her roseate hair was streaked with crimson, her hitai-ate was askew, and not an inch of her was without the sticky cover of her lifeblood, which seemed to be most prevalent on her chest and face.

A few seconds was all Tsunade needed to overcome her shock. She was at Naruto's side in an instant, checking the kunoichi's vitals and calling orders to the Anbus assembled, speaking in a trembling voice that was most unlike her.

"Kuso," She breathed in despair when she got a good look at her students face. Blood was everywhere, and she trembled as it coated her hands. Although the sight of blood no longer paralyzed her with the same fear of her earlier years, it still unsettled her to know that she was covered with the blood of a loved one. Sakura and Naruto were all she had left to pin her hopes to.

Tsunade knew she wouldn't be able to truly assess the damage until she had cleaned away most of the blood that coated Sakura's visage, but as an experienced medic-nin, she knew already that her student was, at best, scarred for life. At worst . . . Tsunade tried to force her breathing to a normal rate, but only succeeded in a shaky intake of breath. Best to focus on the facts, for now.

There was a slight hiss of breath behind her, and she knew Kakashi had come to the same conclusion. She felt an ache at the sound, knowing that if it was hard for her, then it was worse for him. She knew of his past, and she also knew that he secretly blamed himself for his broken team, despite obvious evidence otherwise.

"Obaa-san, obaa-san, stop staring and heal her! _Please!_" Naruto's voice had an edge to it that he had never possessed before. He was desperate, and Tsunade realized with a pang of shock that the Kyuubi's container had tears in his bright blue eyes.

They all knew what he was thinking.

He couldn't bear to lose another teammate.

And she, Tsunade, one of the legendary sannin and the Fifth Hokage of Konoha, the renowned medic-nin, didn't want to let him down.

Once again, the boy had found a way to give her strength.

"Naruto, follow me, and _you, get Shizune!_" The Anbu she yelled at nodded and was gone in an instant.

Naruto was usually the type to argue, defy orders, question, but it was a testament to his current state of mind that he merely followed her as fast as he could, Sakura still clutched gently in his arms.

He stayed that way until he was ambushed in the operating room by a flurry of medic-nins, who had to convince him to let his injured teammate go.

"Naruto," Tsunade said sadly, and his attention reverted to her, his stricken face unfocused in the wake of despair, "I know how much you want to stay, but you would only be in the way. I promise we'll do our best, but you need to wait outside."

Naruto looked like he was going to refuse when a hand touched his shoulder lightly, and he glanced up to see his sensei, Kakashi, give him a knowing look as he wordlessly nodded to the door. The usual mischievous look in the copy-nin's eye was absent, and replaced by a weary look that made him look much older. As he met Kakashi's gaze, it was as if all of Naruto's resolve broke, and his shoulders sagged slightly as he followed Kakashi away, but he paused in the doorway, still watching Sakura.

"Tsunade-sama, please . . ." He trailed off in a tired voice, leaving the sentence hanging.

But Tsunade nodded sadly, "I know, Naruto."

And as the door closed behind him, Tsunade breathed silently once more, "I know . . ."

She felt her eyes tear a bit, threatening to spill, and she shook her head furiously. _It was happening again, she was useless in a situation where focus was needed, just like all those other times . . ._

But she couldn't help it. Not when her beloved student, her apprentice, her _daughter _was dying right before her eyes.

So she let the tears roll freely, as her heart broke and her hands worked feverishly in the frantic hope of saving yet another diminishing life.

* * *

Never had his student looked so hopeless, Kakashi reflected. Not even when Sasuke had left them. 

Naruto was slumped against the faded white wall, his arms wrapped around his knees and his eyes dull and distant. The look on his face was broken, his usual bright eyes now shone with sadness, and a hint of tears, instead of the carefree and joyful look that usually pervaded his fox-like countenance.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto's voice was no more than a whisper, dying quickly in the empty corridor.

Kakashi didn't move, but his gaze shifted from the opposite wall to his student, indicating his attention.

"Sakura's going to be okay . . . right? . . . I mean, she can't - " Here he faltered, gaze dropping to the tile at his feet, effectively shadowing his face and all the emotions it betrayed.

Kakashi was silent for a long time, letting the question hang in the air while he considered how to answer. A weariness seemed to have settled about his shoulders like a dark cloak, and he wondered when it had first began to weight him down. He was not surprised when he couldn't recall.

His students, no matter how immature at times, were no longer children. He couldn't smile and reassure them, and expect them to accept it. They were almost adults now, and would only resent him for such treatment. As full grown shinobis they would face a harsh reality, and coddling them would not help them, no matter how much he wished to shelter his students.

As Naruto's sensei, and out of respect, Kakashi could only tell him the truth.

"I don't know, Naruto. I don't know."

Naruto's silence was all the answer he needed.

Sometimes Kakashi truly hated himself.

* * *

**A/N: Gomen, readers! I realize this is much shorter than the previous chapters, but I had to end it there. The next chapter will consist mostly of visions in the tsukiyomi and clips from the ER. As always, read and review, and I promise the next chapter will be much longer, I will not disappoint you! Hopefully I can write more with winter break fast approaching . . . **


	5. Another Authors Note

I just wanted to say thank you to the many people who reviewed my last authors note. You were very supportive of me, even when I was in the midst of my writers block, and your encouraging reviews helped me to come out with this next chapter. I can't say when the next update will come, but hopefully soon.

You know who you are. ARIGATO!

Also, I'm curious to hear if you think I should go with another Naruto story idea I have.

- Post-time skip, after Sasuke's defeat of Itachi and return to Konoha. Summary: After Sakura's mother dies, her father and sister move back to Konoha to take care of her. But what she didn't expect was for her sister to surpass her in shinobi skills. Or for her to replace her in the affections of team seven. When Sakura is seemingly replaced on her own team, she is sent with a weaker team on a C-rank mission. When that mission goes wrong, she is saved by an enemy, and she ends up where she least expected. Eventual Sakux? Main characters are Sakura, Sasuke, Sasori, and Deidara. It will most definately have an amount of SasoxSakuxDei, though, no worries there.

Please let me know what you think. It's better than it sounds, I just had trouble with the summary.

Liandrin


	6. Chapter Four: Moon Phase

**A/N: Okay . . . so I know tons of people want to kill me for not updating for, like, four months. The reason is because I didn't have internet. I used to have dial-up, and I JUST NOW got wireless. Thank god. And then I got writers block, plus I have tons of homework and studying for the SAT and AP Exams. Lots of stuff to do, so expect more delays. I don't really have a secure schedule right now . . . . PLUS my mom is getting married May 19 and my dad is getting married April 21 and I have to be in BOTH ceremonies blah blah blah . . . blah. **

**I don't know when I'll start writing that other story. I plan to, though, so don't lose hope! **

**Thanks for the reviews (80!). I got lots of people begging me to update, which helped to motivate me. I even got an email! O.o **

**By the way, if you're looking for good Sakura angst, I would recommend "Don't Touch Me" by Kioji. It's one of my obsessions right now.**

**Till next time (and forgive me!),**

**Liandrin **

**On to the chapter! **

* * *

**Chapter Four: Moon Phase - Waking Dreams**

The first thing she was aware of was the fear. She didn't know what had caused it, it was just there. Like a primal instinct, existing as a necessity.

Her arms hurt, her legs hurt, her neck hurt, her back hurt. There was pain all over. _Why_? She wracked her brain for an explanation, but ended up with nothing. Her thoughts were fuzzy, and she felt like she had been hit over the head with a blunt edge repeatedly.

She thought of opening her eyes, but they were already open, and all she saw was black and red. The empty plane stretched into the distance unbroken, and the full moon above her was blood red.

The fear was still there. She focused on it, and it came to her in fuzzy, broken images, like a bad memory.

The mission, the ambush . . . the deaths. The blood.

The deal.

And red.

Crimson eyes to match the blood on his hands, tomoes spinning maddeningly as his intense gaze locked on her.

She shivered at the memory. She could still feel it, an echoing pain in her chest where he had stabbed her, his katana piercing her flesh easily. And her eyes . . .

"Seventy-two hours."

His husky voice in her ear, behind her, breath ghosting across the skin of her neck. Her own breath hitched in fear as she flinched and tried to turn around but she was lashed tightly to a cross, legs bound together and arms spread-eagled.

Flicker.

He was in front of her.

"Tsukiyomi." She whispered, shocked by her sudden realization as she stared at him. She had ceased struggling to free herself, knowing it was impossible. She was in his world now, and he was in control.

"Aa. For seventy-two hours you will stay here." He replied softly. "For seventy-two hours you will suffer, tortured by my mangekyou."

"Why?" She was so confused, and there was still that betraying hope, but it was slowly being crushed by the cold fist of fear in her stomach. The mangekyou was said to drive some people insane. Even Kakashi had been greatly defeated by it, and he was her sensei, he was stronger than her. She had always looked up to him, even if he had dismissed her from the beginning as weak. She had insisted on being the one to treat him the entire time he was at the hospital recovering, wanting him to have the best care possible. How could she be expected to survive something that he had gone up against, and lost to?

"This is your first test." His gaze was still so empty as he spoke, "Your weakness stems from your weak will and misconceptions. You haven't been through enough. I need to break you."

She faintly wondered if he could break her more than she already was.

He probably could.

"Survive this, and I will know that you have the capacity to become stronger."

Capacity . . . she had heard that word used so many times before. Sasuke had always said it with such seething anger, dreaming of the day he would one day avenge his clan, but his brother was the exact opposite. So calm . . . how could a person be so empty?

"What about my eyes?" _How do I fight blind? _When she was weak enough when she could see . . .

"That's your problem, kunoichi. Being blinded was your choice. After this, you have a month to train yourself until I come for you. If you have not learned to fight without your sight by then, I will kill you. Understand?"

He would kill her, she knew. And without hesitation or guilt.

Uchiha Itachi would not suffer weakness.

And yet, that was what she needed.

"H-hai." She managed to choke out around her fear.

"Good. Let's begin."

And she screamed.

* * *

Her apprentice's body was splayed out on the cold concrete floor of the room, in the middle of a healing circle. Ink symbols were etched on her skin and made their way from her body to the circle, and then out to the larger circle in five different paths, where at least ten different medic nins were needed to pour their chakra into the pathways and stabilize her body as the frantic healing process continued. The chakra in the circle had to stay constant and balanced, or the entire process could be screwed up, and Sakura would die. 

Despite being a part of the circle themselves, Tsunade and Shizune were forced to keep a resilient eye on the other medic-nins, looking for dangerous signs of fatigue. The minute one's chakra flow began to waver, they had a replacement come in and take the place of the tired medic without breaking the fragile flow of chakra.

Tsunade and Shizune themselves were beginning to tire as well. They were disciplined medics, but it had been over twelve hours of nonstop chakra flow and healing, and the effects were beginning to show. Tsunade had dark bags under her eyes, her body was covered in sweat, and her skin was pale and wan from chakra overexertion. Her arms were shaking even as she kept up her constant flow of chakra, and she knew that Shizune would probably need to be replaced soon before she fainted.

Tsunade herself refused to leave the circle until the process was over. As a skilled medic, she knew that if she pushed herself to her limits she could last for a long time.

Hours passed by like days as their chakra continued to light up the bare room with a sickly green glow, assistants coming in and out to supply the working medics with anything that they needed. Shizune eventually grew too exhausted, and was replaced by a new medic nin and lead to a seperate recovery room, where she collapsed in a dead faint from her efforts. She would most likely not wake up for a while.

Tsunade's determination had not yet wavered, unlike her all too human body. The healing process had progressed to the point where the formerly fatal wound in her apprentice's chest had stopped bleeding profusely, and was almost healed to the point where she was no longer in danger of dying. Tsunade had had to have multiple volunteers enter periodically to give blood to the patient, because her body had lost too much for her to make up for it. Among these had been Shikamaru, and he had been more than a little ashen-hued when he had been dismissed, both from the blood loss and the visage of his fallen comrade.

"Hokage-sama." The low-pitched voice brought her out of her concentration, and she nodded to the medic to tell her to continue. The woman was one of the medics in charge of monitoring the inner circle, focusing on healing the flesh of the patient, whereas the outer circle stabilized the chakra flow and life functions.

"I was sent to inform you that the chest wound has been mostly healed. What do you need us to do next?"

Tsunade paused for a moment. If the wound had been closed and scabbed over, then Sakura's body could most likely handle the rest of the healing of it on its own. It would be better to turn their attention on the rest of her wounds. She paused as she stood up wearily, swaying a little as a wave of nausea and dizziness hit her from the sudden change in position.

"I'm fine," She mumbled, waving a worried assistant away as she put a hand to her forehead, massaging her temples. She looked to the medic in front of her, who was watching her expectantly. "I would like to get a look at the facial wound now."

She followed the medic over the the center circle, where she kneeled and brushed her apprentice's bangs away from her face, grimacing a little when the hairs resisted slightly because they were stuck to the crusted blood on her forehead.

Blood. She had always hated it.

After calling for a towel and hot water, she began to wipe Sakura's face, washing away the blood and cleaning the wound. She could barely see Sakura's features through the red.

When she was finished she sat back on her heels for a moment and rested her head in her hands. Biting her lip until she tasted blood, she tried to stifle the emotions that were threatening to take away her rational thought. The extent of the damage was enough to make her sick.

Starting at about an inch from the corner of her right eye, a deep gash sliced across Sakura's face, crossing the middle of both eyes, cutting across the bridge of her nose, and ending a bit past the left eye. Although a clean stroke, the damage was devastating, and Tsunade could tell that it had been made by the same katana that caused the chest wound.

She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Thank god it was a katana, and a sharp one at that. If the cut had not been as clean then it could have been much worse.

Putting a hand a few inches above the damage, she began to channel chakra into the wound and through the torn flesh, slowly forming a visual map of the wound in her head. The outer eye was pierced, she noted, but luckily the damage did not reach into the inner eye, and it was virtually untouched. It would take a while, but with the right amount of chakra control and effort, she was sure that she could make her apprentice's eyes whole again. Despite that, she was also quite sure that she would be permanently blind.

She directed her medics to help her begin to pour chakra into the wound, and tears began to slip out of Tsunade's eyes as she worked, knowing full well the impact that this news would have on Konoha.

_Sakura . . .  
_

* * *

Nine hours. 

That was how long it had taken her and the other medic to heal Sakura's eyes. After, Tsunade had passed out, and had to be carried to a place to rest until she was ready to see her patient again.

When she had finally woken up, she had been frantic for a few moments, not remembering what had happened to her apprentice. Then it had rushed back all at once, and she had had to stifle the tears all over again. Shizune had been waiting for her when she awoke, and had patted her back soothingly as she collected herself. Only Shizune and Sakura had ever been close enough to the Hokage to see her at her weakest, but it never made them think less of her. They had always taken care of her.

Now, as Tsunade regarded her apprentice's unconscious form, she felt like she had failed to return the favor. With the bandages removed again, she had finished healing the scab on her apprentice's eyes until it was no more than a thing white scar, cutting across her face. She was faintly proud, because there was no raised scar tissue or jagged edges, but in the end it was nothing to smile at. Sakura was still blind.

Out of all her medical studies, Tsunade had always known that the eye was a very fragile thing. Little was really known about healing it, because it was so complex, and research had just started to delve further into its secrets. In the end, there was not much she could do for her apprentice.

Another thing had been weighing on her mind for a few hours now.

Sakura had yet to wake up.

In the beginning it was understandable, because of the stress of the body from the healing process, but they had been infusing her body with chakra periodically, and a normal patient would have at least stirred by now. There was also the matter that the monitor showed her brain waves to be irregular. Between the healing process and her periuod of blacking out, Tsunade had not been able to truly study her apprentice, so she did so now in an effort to figure out what was wrong.

Sakura looked like hell. This was the first thing that popped into the Hokage's head.

Sakura had been growing thinner over the years, and her eyes had grown darker from fatigue and something Tsunade couldn't quite understand, but it was nothing compared to this. It looked like she had been the walking dead, and was just now beginning to return from the living. Her lips were parted, and her breathing was harsh. her hair had been washed free of the blood, improving her appearance dramatically, and her body dressed in a white hospital gown. Her hands were pale and thin, and scars had been discovered after removal of the bandages on her arms. It looked like her apprentice had been cutting herself for years, hiding it with behind bandages and a fake smile. When she had first seen them she had felt numb. They had all noticed Sakura had become distant and withdrawn, but she doubted that anyone had expected . . . _this. _

Naruto would most likely get depressed when he found out, and blame himself. No matter how much she learned about him, she still was surprised by his actions. He treated his teammates like family members, and felt equally responsible for them. She really did not want to imagine the look on his face when he was informed of Sakura's current position. Not only was she injured, but apparently had been hurting herself for years.

Tracing one of the scars on Sakura's arms, she tried to imagine how much pain and self-hate she would have to feel before she brought a kunai to herself like that. She must have felt so much pain. Even as Tsunade traced her scars she observed a minute tremble run through Sakura's arms. Then again.

Wait.

Tsunade's breath hitched in realization. Shizune ran in at her call, and looked quizzical when she beheld her superior examining the patient intently.

Tsunade was sure she had seen this before. Twice. A slight tremor of the muscles that repeated unusually, and if her eyes weren't bandaged up so tightly, she was sure her lids would be fluttering slightly as her eyeballs moved manically underneath them, like a form of REM sleep.

The first time she had observed it was when Copy-nin Kakashi had been brought in by his comrades after being caught in the elder Uchiha's gaze. He had been out for days, so she'd had time to observe the symptoms thoroughly.

The second was only the muscle tremors, after Uchiha Sasuke had confronted his brother and been cruelly confronted with his parents death in the warped world of the mangekyou. He had left quickly after being bandaged up.

Sakura and her team had been attacked by the Akatsuki. It was not unlikely that a certain sharingan user was among those who attacked them.

"Dammit!" Tsunade cursed as the thoughts ran rampant in her head.

No wonder her apprentice wasn't waking up. She was currently under the effect of Uchiha Itachi's Tsukiyomi.

There was nothing they could do to countereact the effects. The realization hit her like a brick wall. They had to just let her suffer, and hope Sakura woke up sane.


End file.
